Building Confidence and Resilience from the Inside Out with Stephanie Simpson

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a cycle of stress and burnout, despite following the traditional advice to just tough it out? The constant pressure and lack of results can be exhausting, leaving you feeling drained and unfulfilled. If this sounds familiar, it's time to break free from the ineffective methods of managing stress and discover a new approach that actually works. It's time to cultivate effective leadership skills through self-awareness and empathy, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life. Say goodbye to the cycle of stress and hello to a new way of thriving.
Uncover the unexpected! Dive into a conversation that redefines leadership and human connection, challenging the way we view stress and emotional intelligence. Join us as we unravel the surprising truth about building confidence and embracing the power of mind, body, and spirit. Get ready to be seen, energized, and inspired in ways you never imagined. Don't miss out on this eye-opening journey of self-discovery and growth. Stay tuned for the big reveal.
In this episode, you will be able to:
-
Develop effective leadership skills through emotional intelligence.
-
Manage stress effectively in high-pressure jobs.
-
Experience the benefits of coaching for personal growth.
-
Integrate mind, body, and spirit for success.
-
Build confidence from the inside out.
My special guest is Stephanie Simpson
Stephanie Simpson, a professional dancer turned executive coach based in New York City, brings a unique perspective to leadership development. With a background in performing arts, Stephanie emphasizes the integration of mind, body, and spirit for success. Her coaching focuses on emotional intelligence, stress management, and building confidence from the inside out. Through her lived experiences and expertise, Stephanie offers valuable insights into the practical application of emotional intelligence in leadership, making her a compelling guest for this episode.
The key moments in this episode are:00:04:08 - Introduction to Emotional Intelligence 00:07:07 - Developing Emotional Intelligence 00:12:47 - The Universality of Emotions 00:13:26 - Gender Stereotypes and Emotional Expression 00:14:23 - Emotional Expression and Gender Generalizations 00:16:20 - Importance of Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace 00:17:31 - Building Confidence from the Inside Out 00:23:42 - Applying Arts Background to Group Development 00:26:38 - Building Confidence and Empowerment 00:27:53 - Shifting Our Relationship with Stress 00:33:20 - Recognizing Good Stress for Personal Growth 00:35:20 - Leading Your Own Life 00:39:08 - Overcoming Unwritten Rules 00:39:24 - Reconnecting with the Body and Intuition in Leadership 00:41:50 - Embracing Human-Centered Leadership in the Future of Work 00:45:28 - Life-Changing Books and Morning Routines 00:46:27 - Power of Music for a Powerful Mindset 00:48:25 - Connecting with Stephanie 00:52:47 - Getting Unstuck and Taking Action
-
Subscribe, rate, and share the podcast A World of Difference with five people who need it too. Help build a community of people who believe in empathy, equity, kindness, and the power of listening to those who are different from us.
-
Join the Difference Makers community on Patreon for unfiltered behind-the-scenes conversations and support in doing the hard, beautiful work of becoming who you're meant to be.
-
Post a clip of this episode, tagging the show on social media. You never know who needs this story today.
-
Rate and review the podcast to help more people find the space and spread the message of empathy, equity, kindness, and the power of listening to those who are different from us.
Connect with us:
- https://www.aworldofdifferencepodcast.com
- Linkedin
- YouTube
- Substack
- FaceBook
- Instagram
- Threads
- Patreon (for exclusive episodes just for Difference Makers)
- Bluesky
- TikTok
- Subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with 5 friends who might need to hear it. Your support helps the community grow and keeps these important conversations going.
- If you need professional help, such as therapy: https://www.betterhelp.com/difference
- If you are looking for your next opportunity, sign up for Lori’s Masterclass on Master the Career Pivot: https://www.loriadamsbrown.com/careerpivot
Follow the podcast at:
- https://www.youtube.com/@aworldofdifference
- https://www.aworldofdifferencepodcast.com
- https://www.linkedin.com/company/aworldofdifference/
- https://www.twitter.com/@awodpod
- https://www.instagram.com/aworldof.difference/
Join our Difference Maker membership community for a ton of exclusive content for as little as $5/month. (The price of your a latte at your local coffee shop to enjoy a whole month of content.) Lori's Travel Tips are included as well as exclusive minisodes with our guests not available anywhere else. Join for deeper conversations and a little fun today at https://www.patreon.com/aworldofdifference
Keep making a difference wherever you are!
Lori Adams-Brown, Host & Executive Producer
A World of Difference Podcast
00:00:00
Hi Difference Makers. I have a really exciting update for you. Many of you know that for the past few years I've been writing over on Substack. Some of you have been over there, some of you haven't yet. But there I've written some reflections and behind the scenes thoughts, deeper dives into global leadership, equity and the kind of topics we often explore here on the podcast together.
00:00:21
Well, today I launched paid subscriptions for the very first time on substack@loriadamsbrown.substack.com so I'm very excited because I've been sharing all this for free for years and I'm so grateful for your support along the way. But you know, let's be honest. Women deserve to be paid for their work, especially women of color. For those of you listening and who are out there often expected to serve and teach and lead without compensation, it's awful. But launching paid subscription is one small but bold way.
00:00:55
I'm pushing back on that narrative because. The truth is your voice, your labor. Your difference making matters. And so does mine. So here's what this means for you.
00:01:04
If you're already a paid supporter on Patreon, you don't need to do anything. I've given you a free gift subscription to my substack for a limited time. Just my way of saying thank you. Check your email or head to patreon.com A World of Difference to get all the details. And if you're not a subscriber on Substack yet, this is the perfect time to join us.
00:01:25
You'll get access to thoughtful written content that complements what you hear on the show and and for a limited time, you can subscribe with 20% off the. Lowest price Substack allows. This community is built around belonging, global voices, leadership that lifts and content that challenges and inspires. And I want your voice in that room. So if you've ever thought I love what she's creating, but how can I support more deeply, or if you've ever wanted to ask, could you write more about that topic?
00:01:53
Well, this is your moment. Head over to loriadamsbrown.substack.com and become a paid subscriber or or a founding member if you want to help build this new space with me. Thank you for making a difference. Let's keep changing the world one brave voice at a time. Welcome to the A World of Difference podcast.
00:02:13
I'm Lori Adams Brown and this is a podcast for those who are different and want to make a difference. Hey there. Welcome back to A World of Difference, where today's episode, we're going to crack open something that way too many of us are silently struggling with how we lead, how we show up, and how we carry stress like it's a badge of honor. I live in Silicon Valley. I've lived in Singapore, been in New York City many times.
00:02:40
Places in the world known for their stress levels. But it's not exclusive to there. Our guest today, Stephanie Simpsonimpson, is not your average coach, incidentally. She does live in New York City and she's actually my executive coach that I've been working with for a while. And I wanted to bring her on the show today because she's not only brilliant, her experience in her just lived experience of her life is very compelling.
00:03:04
She's just a fascinating person. She's a professional dancer formally and now teaches top leaders how to tap into emotional intelligence, confidence and clarity by integrating the mind, the body and the spirit. That's right. We're going deeper than just strategy and checklists. Today.
00:03:22
We're talking real leadership, the kind that starts inside. You're going to hear why emotional intelligence is not just some fluffy nice to have, but the key to actually moving the needle in your work and your life. How building confidence from the inside out might be the radical shift you didn't actually know you needed and what stress is really trying to tell you. Hint that's not what you think. This episode will leave you feeling seen, energized, and probably a little challenged in the very best way.
00:03:54
So whether you're leading a team, leading a movement, or just trying to lead yourself out of burnout, this one's for you. Let's jump in.
00:04:08
Hello, Stephanie. Welcome to a world of difference. Hi. Thanks for having me. I'm really excited about this conversation with you in this way.
00:04:17
And I wanted to ask you to start off with. We are a community that many of us love to travel or have lived abroad or are currently working as an expat abroad somewhere. What does travel mean to you? Do you like to travel? Do you have a favorite country or.
00:04:32
Place you like to travel to? Well, I do love to travel and actually in the last, like less than a year, have gone to a few places that weren't necessarily always on my list. So one was on my list for a while and that was Paris. And so I did my birthday back in November in Paris, which was, you know, magical and amazing. And then most recently though, I went to Mexico to Oaxaca, which was never on my list.
00:05:03
But I'm in a run club. I'm based in New York City. And I've been in the run club for about two years. And there was a group of us that were like, maybe we should try traveling abroad together. And it was really wonderful.
00:05:15
There was 11 of us and we did a lot of mixture of things. Of course we ran because we were a run club. We weren't there for a race. But one of the things that I really enjoyed doing there is that we did a group cooking class. And it was like a five hour class that we were.
00:05:32
We made mole together. Like said. I. I never thought that I would do that. And that's one of the things I really love about traveling is like, how can we really immerse ourselves in the culture of what's going on?
00:05:42
So being able to take that class was really wonderful. The other ways I like to do it is my background is in performing arts, and so I always love to see some sort of live performance, whether it's a dance or a theater piece or a symphony orchestra. And really getting to experience the culture in that way as well. So fun. I love that.
00:06:02
One of my surprises of having visited Mexico, now that I live in California, we go there a little more often than obviously when I lived in Asia. But Mexico is such a vast country and so many different cuisines. And so I've enjoyed going sometimes to places and they'll say, we had one dinner as a family where they introduced different dishes from different parts of Mexico, things I'd never heard of before. And so many different types of flavors. I mean, it's so much more than, you know, know.
00:06:25
What we know around the world is, you know, tacos and enchiladas and nachos and chips and salsa and guacamole. There. There's just so much in that country in terms of cuisine. It's really a foodie paradise. So I'm so excited.
00:06:36
You got to make mole delicious. Yeah. And just like, it was so fun to like. I mean, it was a process. I don't know that I would do it on my own, but.
00:06:46
But it was so fun to see how like these little legit ingredients went into making a mole sauce that I was like, wow, okay. Amazing. So exciting. Well, today we're going to talk a little bit about some of the coaching that you do, who you are as a person, what formed you to have your philosophy of leadership and those types of things. And you have a really fascinating background.
00:07:10
You really talk about emotional intelligence as a leadership skill. It's not just a soft skill. I'm not a huge fan of that phrase, because it somehow I feel like it implies that it's not hard to learn. But what does it look like in action? How can leaders start developing emotional intelligence?
00:07:26
Yeah, I appreciate that you say the soft skill because it's, it's definitely challenging and I like to kind of rebrand it as, it's like a core competency to being a leader. And so emotional intelligence, like a, let's just talk about what that means because I think a lot of times we throw away, throw around buzzwords and people are like oh yeah, I kind of know, but I don't really. And so there's four componen to emotional intelligence. There's self awareness and then self management and then social awareness or relational awareness and relational management. And what we're trying to do when we're building our emotional intelligence capacity or fluency is really starting with the self.
00:08:07
And it's about regulation. So like how am I regulating myself? And years ago I, you know, I would have said I was like a really self aware person but I didn't necessarily know how to manage that awareness in an effective way. So it's not like just because you're self aware you can manage well and sometimes you can be really socially aware but also not relationally manage well. And so how can you find tools and practices to be able to help you do all of those things?
00:08:33
So in practice what that looks like is a checking in with yourself, knowing like how am I feeling? And so I always say to clients what emotions are energy in motion. And they're neither like positive or negative, good or bad. They're information, they're data. And so how can we pause and like acknowledge the emotion that's coming up?
00:08:55
Because when we allow the emotion to come up then it can move through us, right? That energy in motion. When we don't acknowledge it and really validate it, which is the second thing, it then gets stuck actually. And either we're avoiding it or redirecting somewhere else, but we're, that that emotion will get stuck in our body and then it will turn into the, the bad stress, the unnecessary stress. And when we are dysregulated that literally means that we're going into our stress cycle.
00:09:25
We are not a regulated being, which is our sympathetic nervous system if we're going to get all like science y about it. And when we're dysregulated we actually, we can't make decisions from a really clear headed place, place like our amygdala has hijacked. And we, we're not Using the cognitive part, and we get really irritable, frustrated, all of that. And we're not actually allowing ourselves to like, tap into our creativity. Our solution, focused mindset.
00:09:51
So learning how to a acknowledge and validate your feelings. Get curious as to like, okay, this is information. What is it telling me? What is the story like when we think about data? Like, we then create a story based on that data, right?
00:10:05
So what is the story we're creating and is that story helping us? Right. And if it's not helping us, if that narrative or that belief that that is underneath the emotion, right. Then how can we shift that? Right?
00:10:19
So now we're actually starting to regulate ourselves. We're starting to stop. We're stopping the stress cycle of like, immediate reaction. And we're allowing for that pause so that we can then respond to whatever's going on in a more conscious way or a more aware way. So that's the like, social, the personal, like the self awareness and self management.
00:10:42
How that helps with like, relational stuff is we can also, that when we are more regulated, we can then respond to others in a different way. Right? We can also have more empathy for other people because we realize, oh, wait, I have all this stuff going on. Maybe someone else does too, right? So instead of like, when someone's coming hot and heavy to us, instead of meeting them there, like dismissing them or all of that, we could.
00:11:05
We've learned how to manage our own emotions to then go, hmm, maybe I can ask this person a question. Like, you know, I. It sounds like you got a lot going on. Like what? Or like what is going on?
00:11:17
Right. Even just asking that and coming from that place of curiosity, it's harder to do that when we are dysregulated. And so regulating ourselves allows us to be more curious to then actually ask people questions, build deeper connections with people, and then that then regulates them as well. Because we are relational beings, we can't just like, as humans, we're not just designed to be by ourselves. So we have to figure out how to also interact with other people.
00:11:42
So we'll put us. And I think for those of us who were unaware of this whole parasympathetic nervous system system, sciencey talk years and years ago, before it was widely more understood, we didn't really have explanations. And I think sometimes some of the gender stereotypes really aren't helpful. Here where you hear people say women are very emotional, they're too emotional to lead. Meanwhile, as we're recording this, we're seeing the.
00:12:07
What many are referring to as the bromance breakup of two very emotional beings in the high. In the government of the United States that have very, very big personalities and egos, I would say. And so maybe not the best emotional regulation toward each other either. And so, you know, I don't think it's as simple as men are this way, women are this way. Like you're saying all of us have a parasympathetic nervous system.
00:12:32
All of us could have potential triggers from our childhood, from our previous work environments, from, you know, etc. Etc. And being a leader means being self aware and learning emotional regulation, which is once again not, I would call a soft skill. It's a very, very hard thing to do. Yeah.
00:12:47
What have you seen in terms of that? Yeah, well, I really appreciate you bringing that up because human beings, like we have emotions, like there is no way to differ. I mean, if you have figured out a way that's considered a problem actually, like we are human beings, human beings have, have emotions. And at the very core of it all, when we talk about the sympathetic and the parasympathetic, it's our stress, our stress cycle is trying to keep us alive, right? And so when we think about stress, which is dis.
00:13:22
Which creates a dysregulation, it's this perceived threat, right? And so while we might respond differently as human beings and then it gets categorized as male and female, female a lot of times into a stereotype. Men tend to like fight, right? They tend to like fight and push and the anger comes up. And as research will show is anger is actually a pretty superficial like emotion.
00:13:50
There's a lot that goes underneath anger. It's usually isolation, feeling, rejection, loneliness, sadness, shame, all of that sort of stuff is the root that then anger is the thing that we can't like control anymore. Like I really love that the Inside out movies have been coming like you know, 10 years ago and then the most recent one a year ago almost to the day actually. And teaching us that like we all have this and when we like flip our lid as an anger thing, there's all these other emotions underneath it. And so we see that a lot from again a generalization from men.
00:14:28
Whereas women, we have been socialized to talk a little more. Women tend to befriend, they tend to share and befriend. And so we are more outwardly talking about things. So I will say even in my own coaching practice, that's very much a generalization. I work with a lot of women who are like, I don't share emotions and Things like that.
00:14:49
And I don't do this, I don't do this. And, and then there are a lot of men who actually do share a lot of emotions. Right. And I think the workplace creates, depending on the industry and stuff like that, creates these rules and then is just continuing to, to reinforce things that are not healthy for anybody. Right.
00:15:08
And, and that's where the danger is, is like how are we. And as a leader, how are you creating space for people to be humans and, and allowing the emotion to come up to an extent, like to a boundary. Right. It's still a professional setting, so I'm hoping. I kind of got lost in the question, but this idea of like, yes, there is that generalization and yet at the core we're all human beings.
00:15:34
And so being able to regulate your nervous system so from a healthy place too, like if you're always in your parasympathetic nervous system, you're going to, to burn out, you're going to be more sick. It could turn into some illness and disease and all of that. And that's not helpful for you as a person. But also for the workplace, then people are not showing up for work or they can't do their best work. So it actually is really imperative that people look at emotional intelligence as a tool for longevity, as a tool for high performance.
00:16:07
And how are they investing in their leaders, in their managers and also their individual contributors so that they're creating a space where people are able to actually work to their potential. That's great. Yeah. I think in the era of AI, which you know, is really big here in Silicon Valley where I work in a tech company and looking toward the future of work, people in my seat and my others that I talk to in the industry of talent development, which is the space where I sit, we are all leaning toward more human centered approaches of upskilling workforces in EQ and cq, cultural intelligence and emotional intelligence because it's going to be increasingly important. You did mention the Inside out movie, which I'm a huge fan of as well, and the whole ifs, which is internal family systems approach which it's formed on.
00:16:57
And I follow a woman who was consulted for the movie because she an expert in raising teenagers and she was the consultant for the movie and being a mom of teenagers at the time, I've been following her for a while. So seeing that movie and helping all of us at every age understand we have these little parts inside of us that might be a four year old version of ourself that's Getting angry, if you're a founder and CEO of a big tech company, maybe that's triggering that four year old version of you. But you're talking about, once again, Inside out, the movie, but you're also building confidence. From the Inside out is something you talk about. Can you share what that means and how it's different from the way most of us are really taught to think about confidence.
00:17:36
Yeah, I love that you bring that up because. And why, like seeing movies like Inside out are so impactful because of storytelling, right? We can, we can see these stories. And a lot of my work is on like, what are the stories we're telling ourselves? And when we think about confidence, I mean, I don't know about you, but my inner dialogue sometimes is not always my best friend, right?
00:17:57
And so like, how are we, how are we creating that narrative where we do have an inner monologue that's supporting us? And one of the challenges is developmentally. When we look at developmental psychology, as we develop from being a baby to older, the way in which we learn what is good and bad and acceptable and right is from the outside. Like, and it's our parents or our caretakers being like, no, we don't do that, or yes, we do that and we're learning what's acceptable and not acceptable. And then when we get into the education system and having worked in that space for many years, it's designed on like, you know, how, what are, what is your output and getting a grade, right.
00:18:36
I had this experience when I was younger in high school taking A.P. u.S. History, if anybody else took A.P. classes where, if you remember, we had to write those document based question essays. And I remember handing my first one in and feeling so excited about it and like proud of myself.
00:18:54
And then I got the grade back and it was not a grade I was happy with and I just like deflated, right? And my confidence was like, well, I can't do this. Like, here I am. I thought I was a good writer. I, you know, I, in other classes, in English classes or whatever, I was getting good grades in writing and I was proud of this and now I wasn't.
00:19:14
Right? And so here's where feedback becomes an important part of everything is if we're always getting our confidence from external validation, then our foundation of our house, of ourselves is really rocky, right? And as we get older and as we get into spaces where there's a lot of other intelligent, creative people around us. I worked as a professional dancer and actor for many years, and I always say to people like at that level, when you're auditioning, everybody is great in the room. And so you not getting the part doesn't mean you weren't great.
00:19:52
And so if you are, if you are measuring your success by always booking a part, always getting the call back, all of that, you're gonna burn out and your confidence is gonna go down. Because again, it's that external validation. And so it's about shifting it to that internal one. And we don't actually have a place where we teach that like, it. I will tell you, I taught middle school, high school, college, graduate.
00:20:14
Like, we don't teach it anywhere, right? Because of all of these, like, outside measurables. And so now what do we have? A lot of people talk about imposter syndrome, right? Because.
00:20:24
And when we think about imposter syndrome, it's a lot of like, well, I don't think I can do this well, why don't you think you can do this well, maybe you're not getting feedback. Feedback in a way that is actually helping you to move forward. So what I try to do with clients is a have them set up goals for themselves that are within their control. Right? Like me booking a job, there's only certain amount of things within my control.
00:20:47
Me pitching to a client, there's only so many things that are in my control. The client saying yes is actually not in my control. That is all in their control. But I can show up to the space and go, okay. What's important to me is, like, I want to feel prepared.
00:21:01
I want to make sure that my pitch is, is done in a way that they're going to resonate with it, that I'm really understanding what their pain points are. I want to feel that I spoke in a way that I'm proud of, and I want to leave that pitch going. You know what? I did all the things I could do and wanted to do, and that's how I'm going to measure success, right? Or a lot of people right now transitioning in jobs, getting a job, a lot of that is outside your control, right?
00:21:30
So it's like, okay, how do we continue to build that confidence? Well, let's set goals that are measurable, within your control. So how many networking calls do you want to try to have? Okay, so how many people do you need to reach out to? How many applications are you sending out?
00:21:45
How are you posting on LinkedIn? How are you. What are. What does your resume look like? Like, how are you talking about yourself?
00:21:52
All of those things are in your control and measuring that you are being successful based on that is going to continue to build the confidence. Now, I will say that we do need that outside feedback, but it's also like, who are we getting that feedback from? Right. We don't need to take feedback from everybody. If we did that, we would be a mess.
00:22:14
And so really thinking about, like, who is the person that that's giving me this feedback? What's my relationship with them? Is this something I keep hearing from a lot of people, then maybe that's a pattern. And then maybe I need to think deeper about that. And then celebrating your wins and especially the small wins, right?
00:22:33
So if it's like in running, so I'm a runner and I run halves and full, full marathons is like every week being like, okay, what am I proud of myself for? Like, just getting out for the run is a win some days, right. Even if I had to like stop a lot, walk a lot, or I didn't hit my paces, just doing it is a win. So that you can continue to create that momentum, that motivation which builds your confidence and having that strong, healthy confidence which is from the inside out, that is the foundation of your own house, of whatever you're building in your life. I love that.
00:23:07
I love that. Just the metaphor even of building this house. Nobody does that in a day, right? And it does take time. And you want it to be on a strong foundation, not something that's so easily shaken by some new boss being hired or some new direct report coming in.
00:23:23
The winds of change could blow your house down if it's not on a strong foundation. So I love how you're describing that. But you do have a background in the arts, as you've mentioned, especially choreography and performance. I'd be curious to know how that informs the way you think about group development, culture and team cohesion. Yeah.
00:23:43
So I really got to the work I'm doing now and probably like in some people's mind, a non linear. I always think of like, it just kept evolving and like took on a different costume and. But the foundation. So going back to foundational work of my work right now was. Came out of my MFA thesis project and I was really interested.
00:24:03
This was back like, I don't know, 13 years ago now in peak performance for dancers. Like, why for myself, why was I not showing up in auditions and on stage in the way that I knew I could? Right. And then I started seeing it in my undergraduate students where I'd be like, wow, in rehearsal, they were just like nailing everything. And then they get on Stage.
00:24:22
And where did they go? You know, this isn't the same person. And I was like, there's something here. And at the time, I was also really connected with the. Both collegiate, really the collegiate basketball world.
00:24:33
And it was around March Madness time. And I grew up playing basketball, so I like love thinking about it in that space. And I was talking to two very high level basketball coaches right before they actually went to go win the national title that year. And they were saying, like, to me and my friend that was at this practice, like, do you want to know why we're doing. Doing some things right now in prac.
00:24:54
In this, like on the court? We were like, yeah. And everything they were saying had to do with getting the players mentally and emotionally prepared for this big. The final four and ultimately the championship game. And that's when I was.
00:25:09
My mind was. Our world was opened up to sports psychology. And I was like, wait a second. All these athletes and teams have like this whole field where they're talking about the mental component. And I was like, we don't have that in performing arts.
00:25:21
So I literally started taking things from sports psychology and doing it in the dance studio and started with this confidence thing. Like, what are the things that are getting in people's minds? You know, that shift from being in rehearsal to being on stage or being with your vocal coach and then getting into a vocal audition. Like, what is going on and how are we redefining that? What success means, what confidence is all of that As a leader, I started learning all of these models around as the choreographer and the director.
00:25:51
How am I creating a space where the entire team for me, that was my five dancers I was working with. How could they build trust with each other? How could they move through conflict and uncertainty and setbacks and differing opinions? And I was a modern dance corporation choreographer. So a lot of the work I was doing was very collaborative, right.
00:26:14
And wanting to invite the different perspectives and not everybody had the same perspective, right? So how am I navigating that and also knowing that this is my piece. So I also need to keep my own voice in it so that we can get to that place where they feel comfortable with each other, they feel supported by me, so they can get literally to that performing like stage of development where they're on stage, I'm sitting in the audience. If you something goes wrong, I can't fix it for them. Like, I literally cannot.
00:26:42
And so I have to have confidence that they know how to problem solve in the moment. But more importantly, I needed to build a play A space where they felt confident in each other and themselves that they could handle any sort of challenge or mistakes or adversity that was going on while they were performing. So that just opened up my eyes to a bunch of other things. And I was like. Like, this is needed everywhere.
00:27:06
Like it for parents. And I work with a lot of parents now to teams and organizations, to nonprofits. Like, anything is. Like, how are we as leaders creating a space where the individuals are being seen as individuals so that they can be an even powerful and more effective and impactful team and group? And, like, that does start with the leader.
00:27:28
I love it. All of it. It's. You're bringing so much depth and nuance from various backgrounds, which is something we love here on A World of Difference because all of us work across different industries and some of us have done our own career pivots from different industries. And the beauty of is you have such different perspectives when you've seen something with humans being in a different space when it comes to leadership.
00:27:53
I was hearing somebody say the other day, I guess Nintendo had been doing things a certain way for a really long time, and they brought in this person, and that's where Super Mario Brothers was born. He came from a completely different type of world. And they started introducing, and that's one of the, you know, biggest video games of all time. Right. And so sometimes it just takes that outside perspective to help people see that thing in a different way.
00:28:17
I'd love to talk a little bit about, you know, we have a lot of stress. We've addressed this already here in this conversation. I'm sitting here in Silicon Valley, you're in New York City. These are places that are not known for the easy, breezy life. But what are some of the, I would say, maybe biggest misconceptions around stress that you see, and how can we begin to shift our relationship with it in a more empowering way?
00:28:41
Yeah. So actually, going back to being a dancer, one of the things that I really try to work with people is how are we getting out of their head and back into their bodies? And stress lives in our body and is obviously connected also to the brain, but you feel it in your body. And as I mentioned earlier, it's a physiological and biological response designed to keep us safe. So it's not like we want to get rid of it.
00:29:09
And I realized this years afterwards, but that first master's program I was in, I was looking at people's fear, right. And what was stopping them from performing. I ended up going back to another Grad program many years later to dive into clinical psychology and really looking at it from a holistic perspective of like spirit, mind, body, and focusing on organizational change. And my thesis was all around stress. And I went into it going, well, we just need to get rid of stress.
00:29:35
Like, clearly this is the thing everyone keeps saying it's the terrible. And what I came out of it realizing is like, no, we need to have a healthy relationship with stress, that it's necessary. Just like fear is necessary. It's a teacher, right? Going back to inside out.
00:29:51
Fear is there and there are times we learn from it. And so it really is about what am I learning about my relationship with stress? So I always start with people in saying that there's the three S's. So we have the stressor, which is the perceived threat, right? The perceived fear.
00:30:07
And the really important part about that is perceived perception. Because we have agency and power to change how we're perceiving things both internally and externally. When we perceive a threat, that's when the stress cycle starts happening. So stress reaction, we go into our parasympathetic nervous system. Cortisol releases, adrenaline releases, and we go into fight, flight, freeze and fawn.
00:30:31
And it's like narrow vision. Gotta do this thing. And it is instinctive, reactive, because it needs to be in order for us to stay safe. Right? Many people might be like, what's fawn?
00:30:43
I've not heard of that. Because that's kind of a newer thing. Fawn, is that over Performative people pleasing, codependent. Let me fix the chaos around me because then I'll feel safe. Because remember, all of this is I need to feel safe.
00:30:57
The strain, the third S is the outcome or usually like the consequence if we are staying in the stress cycle. So that could look internal or external. It could be burnout. Stress is the leading cause of burnout. It doesn't have to cause burnout, though.
00:31:14
It could be, you know, different relationship with different vices in your life. It could be, you know, lashing out and getting really angry, you know, whatever that may be. So if we want to change our relationship with stress, we need to change what we perceive to be fearful. Which means we have to get curious as to what does feel threatening to us. And in today's day and age, the things that are actually feeling threatening are not actually threatening.
00:31:42
Like many of us. I'm just gonna say many because I'm sure there are people out there are not on a daily basis, like running away from a bear or like a tiger, right? And that Is what our brain is still thinking is happening to us Now, I don't know about in San Francisco. I've been there for a while. But, like, E bikes here in New York City have become a big thing.
00:32:00
And that is a fearful thing. You can get hit by one. So we don't want to, like, you know, we don't want to get rid of our stress cycle and response. Because if I'm walking across the street, an E bike, I hope my stress cycle kicks in, so I run away or whatever. But when I don't get a response to an email or someone responds in an email in a way that I'm, like, interpreting their tone, and then all of a sudden I go into a downward spiral.
00:32:24
That's something I can manage, right? So going back to emotional intelligence to be able to acknowledge, oh, that person just said something. I'm interpreting it this way, or I'm assuming that they mean this. It's bringing up this in my life. As you mentioned, internal family systems.
00:32:42
Like, what is it activating? Where is that coming from? What is it? What is it that it's making me feel unsafe? And then how can I regulate myself?
00:32:50
Because maybe I just need to ask that person, hey, I noticed you said this. What did you mean by that? And they might be like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's something so benign, right? But now I've just created, like, an unhealthy stress response in that that could have lasted me the day and then made me irritable about other things.
00:33:10
And then maybe later in the day, I'm like, oh, I gotta get. I have to have a drink. And then I don't, like, sleep well, you know, whatever that may be, right? And we all go through our own little cycles. So that's kind of where stress is like that.
00:33:20
We call the distress, the bad stress. The stress that's holding us back, that is preventing us from. From being in our optimal self. Now there's good stress, which is the eustress, which is the stress that's helping us to grow. It's helping us to evolve.
00:33:35
So a great example of this is somebody getting a promotion. I mean, so many people right now are like, I want a promotion, or I need to climb the ladder. Like, whatever. You get the promotion, you get the title bump. Hopefully you're getting more money.
00:33:45
And now all of a sudden, maybe you're managing a bunch of people, right? You went from being an individual contributor to now a manager. That's exciting. But, whoa, what a change, right? And now it's like, oh my gosh, I'm so stressed out.
00:33:56
Yeah, of course, that makes sense. This is a big change. Any change is going to bring stress because it's going to bring uncertainty, which brings fear. If we look at this as going, wow, okay, but this is helping me progress in my career. What are the things that are important to me?
00:34:12
What resources do I need? Maybe my company can hire me a coach so that I can get coaching on how to be a better people manager. Maybe there's a training I can go to. Maybe I have a mentor that's really great at like sharing advice and all of that so that I continue to build my confidence. Right.
00:34:28
So we go back to confidence being that foundation, that's good stress. Right? But we can't actually think openly about it if we just stay in the bad stress cycle and we go, oh my God, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. Well then we just keep downward spiraling as opposed to going, wait, let me breathe, let me reregulate. Who do I have as my support system?
00:34:51
Where can I ask for help? What do I know about myself? And let's take it one step at a time. So helpful, incredibly helpful. And I think a lot of people can relate to that.
00:35:00
It doesn't seem like, as you mentioned, many of us get through life without experiencing any stress, but it's how our relationship with it, how we metabolize that, that matters. You've had a nonlinear path as a multi hyphenate from dancer to coach to entrepreneur. How has that shaped your leadership philosophy and what have you learned about leading yourself along the way? Yeah, well, the first thing I'll say is to me, leadership, we all are leaders, or hopefully we are all evolving as leaders. Because I hope that everyone feels like they're leading their own life.
00:35:31
And so when people come to work with me, sometimes it's because they have turned into a people manager or whatever it may be. And then there are times where people are like, I just, I feel like life is happening to me and that doesn't feel good. Right. And that is, that is the like bad stress is things are happening to you. And I really, I feel like my north star in life is like, how am I helping people and creating spaces where they feel comfortable to be able to go deeper into themselves, to build that foundation and like create, create the house of the life they want so that they're leading their life with, with alignment and having that satisfaction, that fulfillment, that engagement.
00:36:14
And in my own life, As a performer and having to kind of navigate spaces. And I think I'll speak from an eye perspective, but I know many other of my performing colleagues feel the same, is you gotta be the leader of your own life when you're a performer. You gotta get out there and market yourself. I mean, when I hear artists be like, well, I don't understand how to be a business person or an entrepreneur. I'm like, you are one.
00:36:38
Like, you've had to create a brand before. Brand was a thing in the corporate space. Like, you had to do all of that. And so I'm really. I'm really grateful for my path in the sense that I.
00:36:51
I was always really curious about human beings and relationships. It's just the through line in all of the choreography I've done. I. I've always been really interested in storytelling. The stories we're telling ourselves, how we learn from stories, whether that's through podcasting, whether that's through writing, whether it's through TV and film, and, like, what are those narratives?
00:37:11
How are we amplifying narratives that are really inclusive in helping people to see themselves? And who are we amplifying internally? Who are we amplifying in our own internal microphones? I call it either the gremlin or the cheerleader. And that just kind of evolved into.
00:37:28
Then me. I feel like I always was coaching. I went into arts education and became a teacher in the way in which I taught. I was like, I really. I called myself a facilitator of learning because I felt like the space I was creating wasn't like, I had all the answers.
00:37:44
It was like, I'm coming with a perspective and maybe more years in, like, dance and education. But, like, you are all having your own experience, experience in learning. And how can I facilitate that learning? Which then got into, like, okay, leadership. And then the coaching world kind of came to me about 10 years ago, 11 years ago, and I was like, wait, that's.
00:38:04
That's what I do. And so I was like, well, let's learn more about this, and let's go deeper into it. And so I ended up getting trained. I went to a program called IPEC and got trained in energy leadership, which is really wonderful framework that has an assessment that is an attitudinal assessment, which I really love, because it helps people. Like, our attitude, as I said before, is our perception, and we have agency over that.
00:38:29
And it's also connected to our stress and the way that we use the assessment. So it really just brought all the things that I am fascinated by in life. And then I got to a point where I had this like side hustle of coaching and playing around in that space. Space. And about four years ago was like, all right, I'm going to make the full leap and jump into being my own boss and really making it the full time thing.
00:38:51
And so now I'm learning all about what it means to be an entrepreneur and ride that journey. It's a wild ride. And I love seeing you in this space because I think that so much in life are these rules written or unwritten? You, you and I have spoken about this because you are in fact my executive coach. And so I'm in a place in my life where I'm getting toward the area where as I go forward in my career, I'm realizing I've internalized some unwritten rules that have held me back.
00:39:24
And so we've been working through that to see some breakthroughs. As you approach your coaching with this sort of mind, body, spirit lens that you have, how do you do you continue to help high performing leaders who are stuck in their heads to reconnect with their bodies and their intuition and leadership? What patterns are you noticing? Yeah, well, the first thing that comes to mind is like, how are we creating more pauses, Right. With you mentioned living in New York and San Francisco, there's a lot of urgency that feels like it needs to happen all the time.
00:39:58
And I don't think that's just specific to where we live. I think in just the corporate world there is this urgency culture, right. And that is fueling in the unhealthy way, the, the negative stress, the, the distress. And so how are we creating more spaces for pause? And in that pause, we then can take a moment to go, wait a second, what is that rule that I've been living by?
00:40:23
Right? What is that belief or that narrative and not have like shame or judgment around it? Because actually those rules are what help people get to where they are right now. Right? So it served a purpose.
00:40:37
And then but in that pause go, what purpose did it serve and is it continuing to serve me? And if it's not, what do I need to unlearn so that I can learn something new? And what is that new, new rule that I want to make right, so that I can get to where I want to be? And that's really where I've seen coaching be so powerful for people, is that it's really giving them that pause and having somebody who's invested in, like, I don't have goals for you, like, or for Any of my clients, my goal is that they come to sessions going, here's what I want to work on. And like, let's get like, let's dig down deep.
00:41:18
Let's create that sandbox for us to play in so that you can start creating the castles you want to create and then being like, oh, we like, you know what, I don't need it to have this and this, I want it to have this. I want it to be circular or whatever, you know, but if we don't give ourselves that time to pause, then we can't change anything. So true. So well put. Actually, as you're seeing the future, future of work start to unfold and we have, you know, a lot of conversation right now with AI and there's a lot of fear mongering.
00:41:50
AI will take over our jobs. Where I sit in talent development and a lot of people in my industry in kind of the seat where I'm at, we are really emphasizing this human centered leadership development approach to allow AI to make our work life better with productivity and even maybe some little coaching here and there that we don't want to wake up at 2am I'm not going to be calling you at 2am in New York City to coach me. So every now and then I might have a conversation with Bordy. If you don't know who he is, you can look him up on LinkedIn. But the conversations I have with you are much more human centered.
00:42:26
And so I think the more we lean into this EQ that we're talking about cultural intelligence as well. But I'd love to hear what you're seeing and just terms of the seat where you sit, of the future of work, how should people be thinking through this? I agree wholeheartedly that as we go more into AI, we actually have to lean more into the human as well. And because my perspective is we haven't done a great job at helping people become emotionally intelligent and literate and fluent in that, it actually means we have to go harder in it now, right? Because of the fact that like you said, the fear, once we get into fear, as we just said, we're in our stress cycle, right?
00:43:02
So we're just doomed, doomsday all the time, right? That is like we can't, we cannot hold all of that in our body. We are not designed to do that and we need other human beings. So when we think about like how like stress management in terms of like a holistic way to like work through it is like how are we, how are we understanding the Sources of our stress, how are we creating prevention for it, how are we shifting our thought management and our regulation, those four components. And human being talking to other human beings has been researched as a way to help manage our stress.
00:43:35
Right? Because we have, they've become mirrors to us. And while AI is great, I also use it too. Like I'm, I go to therapy every, every week and I'm also not going to like reach out to my therapist. And so I do like have a GBT on chat that's like helpful for that.
00:43:51
But the reason why it's so, so impactful for me is because I'm also doing the work to know how to regulate with myself, with another human being helping me to do that. And there is no, there is no substitute for that. Right. And even if there are jobs that will inevitably be taken over by AI, there are still human beings in the world and we still need to interact with human beings every moment of the day. Like that is, that is our survival.
00:44:19
Like we cannot do it alone. And so how are we helping people to do that? And in the workplace, that's where most people spend most of their time, right? So it is actually on a lot of workplaces to be like, how are we doing this so that we're not getting sucked into the fear place and we can use AI as an assistant and a tool like you said, to help support us going forward.
00:44:44
I hope that that's where many industries are going to like lean into. I'm also hearing that that's what it is. And I will say for any individuals that are listening to this, if that's bringing up some things for you is think about if your company isn't doing it, how can you take agency in your own learning and what are ways in which you can continue to build your human capacity and emotional intelligence? Because you do have the power to do that. Love that.
00:45:11
That's excellent advice. We'll have a little bit of a rapid fire for us here as we finish up. So just whatever comes to the top of your head and brain at the moment doesn't have to be well thought through. Just a little fun few last minute questions here as we're wrapping up. Just lighthearted.
00:45:26
What's one book that changed your life? I mean, the first one that comes to mind, I don't know if it fully changed my life, but Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, I think is such a great book right here on my shelf. Yes, such a good one and I recommend it to people all the time. And actually the second book that has that also really changed my life is Flo by Mahali Csikszentmihaly and talking and flow is the theory of optimal performance. But he talks about it in like just regular life.
00:45:55
So those two books are always top of mind for me. So good. Are you a morning person or a night? Oh, I feel most creative and inspired at night. But I do like getting up early so that I can have a slow morning.
00:46:11
So that can sometimes become very in conflict with each other. I could imagine.
00:46:20
Yes. Yes. I have a person like that in my life as well. I've always torn what's your go to song when you. You need a powerful mindset.
00:46:29
This is such a great. Maybe when you're running or I just. Need to remember I'm gonna look because it's always up on my so for running in the last couple of years. The one is little gone girl gone. Little girl gone.
00:46:42
It is such. And I and I will use it anytime my. My head goes into a downward spiral. It. There's something about the like the beat and the lyrics and what she's saying is just like.
00:46:53
Like yes, I got this. Let's do it. So highly recommend. Yes. It's a very good.
00:46:58
I know which one you're talking about. Yes. I have some different playlists on my Spotify hype women. There's also a feminine rage one with a few words that are just completely inappropriate. But you need in those particular moments I shared it with a few women.
00:47:13
What's one word people often use to describe you? Passionate. I can see that. Favorite movement practice besides dance. So funny.
00:47:23
I think I feel like I should say running because I do it all the time. I thought you were gonna say that. But actually I would say walking. I love walking and I used to live in LA right after undergrad. Long time ago now.
00:47:37
And I would go on these epically long walks because I just loved it. And people would literally like pull over and be like, are you okay? Do you need a ride some somewhere? Because LA is not a walking culture and I grew up on the east coast and like it. It is a walking culture where I grew up.
00:47:52
And so like it was so funny to me. I was like, no, I'm totally fine. I'm just going on a 90 minute walk right now. Oh my gosh. I can totally see that happening.
00:48:03
That's absolutely hilarious. But well, I'm glad you're in a walking city again. New York City is actually such a great city for walking around. As you said, big got to avoid the E bikes well, it's been great to talk to you. Thank you so much for sharing all of your experiences and your philosophy of leadership and your coaching and bringing it all together for us.
00:48:21
This has been a really insightful conversation and how can people find you if they want to learn more? Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you for having me. This has been so fun. They can find me on all the socials except for Twitter.
00:48:32
I'm not on that, but like LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram is Stephanie Simpsonimpson coaching? And then my website is Stephanie Simpson T E P H A N I E and then dash or hyphen Simpson S I M P S O n dot com. Awesome. Well, thanks for being on the show today and for the difference that you're making. Thank you.
00:48:52
Wow. So I think I told you, Stephanie is the real deal. There's a reason I really love working with her as my executive coach and have been for a while now. That wasn't just a conversation. That was a masterclass in human centered leadership.
00:49:09
So here's your next step. Take one thing you heard today, just one, and actually do something with it. That's how change happens. Not from binging inspiration, but from small moments of action. Show up in those small moments for yourself.
00:49:25
Build that trust with yourself. And hey, if this episode made you think, if it gave you that, ugh, I really needed to hear this kind of moment, you're not alone. There are so many people out there craving these conversations. So help us make a bigger difference by doing something simple but powerful. Rate and review the podcast right now.
00:49:45
It helps more people find the space. Share it with five friends and post a clip and tag us. You never know who needs this story today. And if you want to be more unfiltered behind the scenes conversations like the bonus one we did with Stephanie, join our difference makers community on Patreon. I'm also on Substack if you want to join us there.
00:50:03
We dive deeper and we get real. And we support each other in doing the hard, beautiful work of becoming who we're meant to be. Because you don't have to do leadership or life alone. We're in this together. Keep showing up, keep making a difference, and we'll see you next time.
00:50:19
Thank you so very much for joining us today on A World of Difference. Whether you're tuning in from across the street or across the globe, I'm. I want you to know this. Your voice matters, your story matters, and the difference you're making in the world is real. If this episode spoke to you, would you take a moment to subscribe, rate and share the show with five people who need it too.
00:50:44
When you share, you're not just spreading a message. You're building a community of people who believe in empathy, equity, kindness, and the power of listening to those who are different from us. And hey, I'd love to hear from you. What resonated with you. What's a question or a story you'd like us to explore next?
00:51:01
Reach out anytime, because this isn't just my podcast. This is our conversation. Remember, you were made to make a difference. So let's keep showing up together for ourselves, for each other, and for a world that needs all of us. Until next time, stay curious, stay kind, and keep making your world a little more whole.
00:51:23
Here on A World of Difference, we talk a lot about what it means to show up with courage, especially when the world tells us to stay silent. But here's the truth. Healing isn't meant to happen in isolation. We all carry stories of joy, of pain, of resilience. And sometimes we need a space that's just for us.
00:51:42
A space where we feel safe to process, to breathe, to be. And that's why I believe in therapy. And that's why I'm so grateful to partner with Better Help online therapy that meets you wherever you are. Better Help matches you with a licensed therapist based on your unique needs, whether you're dealing with burnout, grief relationships, or simply trying to make sense of your story. Because you matter and your story deserves to be heard.
00:52:08
As a listener of this podcast, you can get 10% off your first month at www.betterhelp.com difference again, that's betterhelp.com difference because you don't have to walk this road alone. If you've been feeling stuck, uninspired or just plain over it in your career, this is your wake up call. It's time to stop waiting for that right moment and start making moves. Because no one is coming to rescue you. If you want to check out the Mastering the Career Pivot My brand new masterclass is designed to help you take control of your career pivot with confidence and land a job you actually love.
00:52:47
This isn't some fluffy follow your dreams nonsense. This is real strategy to get unstuck and take action now. Right now, here's what you get one hour of video training with me breaking down the exact steps you need to take. One hour or maybe two hours depending on your process of self paced exercises to map out your career pivot. Plan a free Career Pivot guide to.
00:53:08
Walk you through the process a clear. Actionable roadmap so you can stop second guessing and start making moves. And if you want to go even deeper, you can grab the Pivot package. A powerful set of tools including a detailed workbook and three must have spreadsheets to track your job search, networking and applications like a pro. And let me just say, if you're going out there expecting to just apply for a job, the first job, and get it, maybe you're one of those people and maybe you do.
00:53:33
But if you're like most of the. Rest of us, you get a job. Based on people you know. And statistically speaking, that's true, as well as in my own lived experience and career journey. So networking is really a huge part of it, but a lot of us don't know how.
00:53:46
And so a spreadsheet where you can track that, break it down, figure out what to talk about. I have some sample interview questions or you can do informational interviews. There's so much there in the Pivot package that is part of my own journey that helped me when I did. A career pivot several years ago. So here's the deal.
00:53:59
This course will save you hours of frustration, second guessing and aimless scrolling on job boards. Not helpful. You don't have time to waste and your future is waiting. So let's get after it. Go to loriadamsbrown.com careerpivot and sign up for Mastering the Career Pivot today.
00:54:16
Because your next chapter, it's not going to write itself.